About to head over to the Eastman School in a bit to set up for my class's end of year recital. I suppose that's nothing really new to most of us who took lessons in our youth. For me, the bigger deal is that I just got back yesterday from a week of being a student again, at the Early Music on Modern Instruments workshop. A whole week, 12 hours a day, of learning a "new language" and trying to subvert my standard modern approach/training that is really deeply grooved into my brain. I'll write more about the experience and what in particular I took away from the EMMI workshop, but for now I want to just honor how awesome and scary it is to be a student and have to play in front of everyone. It's been quite a while since I had to perform with the weirdness of not feeling fully ready. Of wanting to show off everything I had only just learned, meaning things that are NOT part of my muscle memory yet. And of course, wanting to look good doing it all, in front of teachers and other students. Just set the bar kinda high, why don't I?
So, for now I want to say, it is OK to be a beginner. To go into these things knowing that you'll do your best and some things will happen and some won't. It's all part of the journey of being an artist. Being a human. And certainly we can prepare well, we can do many things to get ourselves ready and relaxed, but accepting the flow of performance and sticking with it (not spacing out or just giving up while you're playing) is really key here.
Here's what I'm planning to say at the start of our recital today. I hope it's received in the spirit intended:
Today isn't about playing perfectly. It really isn't even about showing off all that you've learned, and you all have learned quite a lot this year. I've been honored to be with you as you discovered new ideas, as you tried out new techniques or phrases and were brave enough to just try them and see whether they flew or flopped. But today is really just about loving our instrument and enjoying the sounds we can make on them. You have prepared well, and now it's time to PLAY! Remember why you picked this instrument in the first place. And all these people sitting here? They love you and know you play well. We're just here to celebrate that together. Ready? Go!
Gaelen
